WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
