He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
