when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
