The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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