JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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