I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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