New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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