chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
