Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
