is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
