Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
