I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
