i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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