Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
