I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
