One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
