His hands were made for my vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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