I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
