she was so not down for the gang bang
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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