Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
