i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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