Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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