Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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