So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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