C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My feet surprised me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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