I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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