you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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