my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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