i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
