I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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