just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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