so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
