It's like God shit irony all over that family
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
