How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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