Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do herpes really smell.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
