So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
third nipple confirmed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
