Yo dont text me then not text me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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