I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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