i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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