there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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