Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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