And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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