Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
