if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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