I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
