I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
