ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
