I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
