i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
