Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
