Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
