Sponge bath it is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
