This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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